Stories Written by Our Community

Story Feedback from Aslan

❌ And there was a dog called Buddy who was Whiskers' best friend and constant companion always
✅ And there was a dog called Buddy who was Whiskers' best friend and constant companion
They removed "always" because it's not necessary and makes the sentence sound awkward, "constant companion" already implies a strong and ongoing relationship.

❌ One day they ran out of food and had to venture into the nearby forest to search for something edible immediately
✅ One day they ran out of food and had to venture into the nearby forest to search for something edible
They removed "immediately" because it's not necessary, the sentence already implies they had to search for food as soon as they ran out.

❌ On their way they saw a beautiful garden filled with juicy fruits and fresh vegetables everywhere outside
✅ On their way they saw a beautiful garden filled with juicy fruits and fresh vegetables
They removed "everywhere outside" because it's redundant and doesn't make sense, a garden is already outside and "everywhere" is not necessary to describe its contents.

❌ They decide to eat them but suddenly heard a loud voice shouting at them to stop immediately and leave
✅ They decided to eat them but suddenly heard a loud voice shouting at them to stop and leave
They changed "decide" to "decided" because the verb tense should be consistent, and removed "immediately" because it's not necessary, the sentence already implies the voice was shouting at them to stop right away.

❌ And they both died of hunger
✅ But they both died of hunger
They changed "And" to "But" because the sentence is contrasting with the expectation that they would find food, "but" is a more appropriate conjunction to use in this context.